You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I intend to get homeless drunk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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