im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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