You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
