so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
