I'm lost and stupid without you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
