Tell her she can't have a vagina
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
