The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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