Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
