WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
