Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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