I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize