She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
