His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
