Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
