I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
