he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
