hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
