So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
