just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't put those talents on a resume
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
