you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
