Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
