I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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