Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
