The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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