I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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