I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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