I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
