Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
