hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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