Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize