So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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