I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
