Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
