I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
