help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
