therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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