you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
