It's Friday. Sex?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
