mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
