His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
