I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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