What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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