I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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