Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
