Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
