jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize