I have demons in me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
