I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
