he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
