so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
