They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
