So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
