He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
