tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
