I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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