how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
