this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
