Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
