i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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