she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
