I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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