I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
