your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
