I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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