I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
