is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
