chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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