if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There r osticjed everywhere
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
