someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize