Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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