I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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