we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
