Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
