super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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