Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
