She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
