Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize