What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Barsexuality is the new black.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
