my being single is dangerous.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
