In the future we'll all be gay
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
